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Jealousy & Comparison 

How to overcome jealousy in your relationships and stop over thinking

Jealousy in intimate relationships is a powerful and intense emotion that most of us experience at some point in our lives. It's purpose is to remind us of the value that we place on our close relationships. However, this emotion can quickly turn toxic. When insecurity drives our relationships, jealousy can rapidly grow into paranoia and obsession, threatening to destroy the very relationship we’re most afraid to lose. This damages trust and self-esteem - and can undermine the very foundation of the relationship and push our partner away. Does this sound familiar? Understanding what jealousy is and recognizing unhealthy behaviours is how to overcome jealousy in your relationships

 

So bookmark this page! With the right support, you can overcome your jealousy in intimate relationships, restore trust and build a deeper, loving connection. Ready to take the first step?

Definition of jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy is a powerful, primal emotion that impacts our survival and is a symptom of anxiety. This emotion only occurs if we believe another person threatens our relationship. Jealousy is not simply a feeling, rather a complex emotion - a mix of many feelings - fear, anger, panic, sadness, love, passion, grief, helplessness and vulnerability. It can flood our mind with suspicious thoughts and cause worrying bodily sensations, such as disassociation, numbing out, nausea, choking or racing heart. Can jealousy take over our mind and emotions? Yes definitely! We may feel so out of control it can feel like is driving our actions, which can be overwhelming and upsetting.​​

​​Is there a difference between jealousy and envy? There is. Jealousy and envy are distinct emotions, though the words are often used interchangeably. Jealousy always involves a threat to a relationship whilst  envy arises because of perceived lack. Someone possesses something we want  - such as a possession, skill, wealth, looks, or a job. We believe our perceived lack of, say, ability, looks or intelligence is preventing us from achieving what we want.

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Is it natural to be jealous in a relationship?

it’s natural to feel jealous in a relationship. This emotion is deeply rooted in our evolutionary biology. For men, jealousy is important as it ensures their genes continue. It demands fidelity - and confirms their children are truly theirs. For women, jealousy is different. It focuses on their partner’s emotional commitment to protecting and raising a family and providing resources for raising children. Studies show even animals get jealous of others threatening their relationships (eg. monkeys). What can we take from this? Is jealousy always bad? No, it is simply an innate emotional that arises. Realizing that it is natural to feel jealous of our partner, allows us to approach our jealousy with compassion and explore healthier responses.

Three reasons why we feel jealous in relationships

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Signs of extreme jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy thrives on uncertainty and incomplete information: 'If he was not cheating on me, he would tell me where he was?' However, our partner may find the questions unnecessary and not respond. Signs of unhealthy jealousy begin when we can't ignore our suspicious thoughts. Each new piece of information - a text, glance, or social media posts fuels jealousy - sending us on an endless search for “proof.” The more jealous we become, the more proof we need and the more stuck we get. Ultimately no level of reassurance is enough. ​

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Signs of extreme jealousy:

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  • Monitoring and Surveillance: Engaging in actions such as checking a partner’s phone, emails, or social media accounts without permission.

  •  Interrogation: Persistently questioning a partner about their whereabouts, activities, or interactions, often in an accusatory manner.

  • Controlling Behavior: Attempting to dictate a partner’s actions, such as restricting their social interactions or activities.

  • Stalking: Following or observing a partner’s movements without their knowledge or consent.

  • Public Accusations: Posting unfounded allegations about a partner on social media platforms.

  • Isolation: Preventing a partner from engaging with friends, family, or social activities.

  • Physical Aggression: Resorting to violence or threats when a partner does not comply with demands.

 

Recognizing these signs is crucial, as unchecked jealousy can lead to emotional distress and cause harm to our partner. Addressing these behaviors through open communication, self-reflection and seeking professional support can help in managing jealousy constructively.

Comparing types of jealousy
disorders  

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What is retroactive jealousy? Retroactive jealousy is obsessive jealousy about a partner’s past relationships, experiences, or sexual history, it does not refer to their current behavior. It causes relationship strain even though both parties know there is no current infidelity threat. Jealousy is anxiety driven.

Severity: Mild to moderate distress.

Retroactive jealousy signs: need constant reassurance, compulsive checking, resentment, comparison anxiety.

Related health issues: Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or general anxiety disorder (GAD). Past betrayal. Attachment issue

Risk: Low to medium

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What is delusional jealousy or 'Othello Syndrome'? Delusional jealousy is characterized by an unshakeable belief in infidelity. Showing evidence to the contrary will make no difference. Belief is not based in reality but fantasy.

Severity: Severe (psychotic)

Obsessive jealousy signs: constant reassurance, compulsive checking and intrusive thoughts. 

Related mental health issues: Paranoia, schizophrenia, psychotic disorders, borderline personality disorder  and certain neurological conditions. Substance abuse.

Risk: High. Can escalate to stalking and violence.

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What is obsessional jealousy? Obsessional jealousy is characterized by constant suspicious thoughts, doubt and overthinking about a partner's wrong doing. The sufferer knows there has been no betrayal and their thoughts are irrational. Jealousy is anxiety driven - it is internally distressing. 

Severity: Mild to moderate distress

Obsessive jealousy signs: needs constant reassurance, compulsive checking and intrusive thoughts. 

Related health issues: Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or general anxiety disorder (GAD). Attachment disorder.

Risk: Low to medium

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What is pathological jealousy or morbod jealousy? A psychological disorder with an obsession about their partner's sexual infidelity. This is an intense, controlling and possessive form of jealousy. There may be a partial belief that infidelity has happened. Can lead to narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, coercive control and violence.

Severity: Severe. 

Pathological jealousy signs: intimidation, controlling, aggression.  

Related mental health issues: Paranoia, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder.

Risk: High. Can escalate to stalking and violence.

JEALOUSY AND PANIC ATTACKS

++ VISIT MY PANIC PAGE ++

Jealousy can sometimes get on top of us. We are flooded with suspicious thoughts, images of infidelity, doubt, fear, anger, terror - and horrible body sensations. Help is at hand!

 

👉  Visit my Panic Page for top tips to calm panic down instantly.

👉  Download my free STOP PANIC Audio to calm your mind and take the first step  toward recovery today.

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Take action now and get a grip on panic so it releases it's grip on you...

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Orange Flower

"It is not love that is blind,

rather jealousy is..."

The Buddha

How to conquer jealousy in a relationship -
four top tips

Partner's Character

Write down 3 reasons why you know you can trust your partner. Give examples if you can

Trusted Friend

Speak to a trusted friend who will tell you the truth - not just what you want to hear.

Journal

 Journal your 'proof'. Commit to including the proof that doesn't support your belief

Ground

Ground yourself. Count back from 200. Suck an ice cube or hold it in your hand. 

CBT to fix jealousy
in relationships

So does CBT help you overcome jealousy in relationships? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective therapies to help overcome and heal jealousy. Why is this? CBT is effective at fixing jealousy as it helps us understand the jealousy cycle and gives us the tools to change it.  I can help you notice your unhelpful thoughts, such as, “If they text someone else, it means they’ll leave me.”  If we become more logical we can approach triggering situations with  self-awareness and confidence This helps rebuild trust and restore emotional and mental peace.

Explore how CBT and hypnotherapy can help fix your jealous mind, re-build trust and transform your life.

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