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Jealousy Hub
Overcome jealousy and comparison anxiety
This Hub has been created for those who are overwhelmed with their jealousy and panic response. This hub will help you manage unhealthy jealousy, stop overanalyzing, calm the panic and regain trust in your relationships.
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Understand the psychology behind jealousy & comparison anxiety
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Compare jealousy disorders - find out the difference between retroactive jealousy and morbid jealousy.
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Learn what unhealthy jealousy looks like and why it spirals.
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Get expert CBT strategies, mindfulness tools & hypnosis support
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Take control of overthinking & emotional triggers before they take over.
Find my free audio download 'Releasing Jealous Thoughts' in the Mini Jealousy Toolbox.
If you are worried that jealousy has become unhealthy take my test:
What is jealousy?
What is the definition of jealousy?
Jealousy is a powerful, primal emotion that occurs if we believe someone threatens our relationship. Jealousy is not just one, simple feeling - it’s a complex mix of many feelings including:
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Fear (of losing your partner)
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Anger (at perceived betrayal)
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Sadness (feeling “not enough”)
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Panic and terror
Jealousy thrives on uncertainty & incomplete information. It can spiral into obsessive thoughts, paranoia, and insecurity that damage trust and self-worth. Doesn’t everyone feel jealous? Yes they do, but if you’re here, jealousy may be controlling you (or your partner)
The difference between envy and jealousy
Jealousy and envy are often used interchangeably. I think this can be confusing. I believe R. Leahy, has the best definition of jealousy vs envy. Jealousy always involves a real or perceived threat to a relationship. Envy arises because we want something someone else has, such as a car, intelligence or good looks. Our perceived lack (of wealth, intelligence or good looks). this is preventing us from achieving what we want
Can jealousy cause panic attacks
Yes it can. It is a primal response which activates our fear of abandonment, or a perceived threat to emotional safety within a relationship. Jealousy triggers the fight and flight response which can lead to a panic attacks or panic sensations. If left unchecked, jealousy can hijack your thoughts and emotions.
What can this look like?
A catastrophic mental response
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“I bet she's dating right now”
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“I can’t cope! They can't leave me now!”
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“The ex is with him, I'm sure of it.”
A cocktail of intense emotions:
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Fear
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Grief
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Anger
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Helplessness
Physical sensations could be:
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Racing heart
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Nausea or feeling sick
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Dissociation or numbness
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Tightness in the throat or choking sensation
. If you are struggling with panic then don't let this take over you life. Visit the Panic Page in the Anxiety Hub for my tips and audio to stop panic attacks
Go to Panic Attacks
Is jealousy natural or learned
It’s natural for us to feel jealous in a relationship - it surfaces when we feel our relationship is threatened. Jealousy is deeply rooted in our evolutionary biology. Even animals experience jealousy (studies on monkeys show jealousy when their partners interact with others).
Men and women are affected by jealousy in different ways:
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Men: Jealousy ensures genes continue (their genetic survival).
They are more triggered by infidelity.
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Women: Jealousy ensures emotional commitment & resources
resources (to bring up a family). They're triggered by lack of commitment.
What causes us to feel unhealthy jealousy?
Comparing types of jealousy
disorders
What is retroactive jealousy? This is jealousy that focuses on a partner’s past not their current behavior. There is no current threat. Both partners know there is no real threat.
Signs: need constant reassurance, compulsive checking, resentment, comparison anxiety.
Related health issues: Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or general anxiety disorder (GAD).
Risk: Low to medium
What is delusional jealousy or 'Othello Syndrome'? This is fantasy based. Have a shakeable belief in guilt even when evidence to the contrary given
Signs: Extreme accusations and beliefs. Demands constant reassurance, compulsive checking and intrusive thoughts.
Related health issues: Paranoia, schizophrenia, psychotic disorders, borderline personality disorder Substance abuse.
Risk: ⚠️ High. Can lead to stalking and violence
What is obsessional jealousy? Partner has suspicions and doubt about the other's fidelity. Both partners know there is no real threat Thoughts are intrusive and irrational.
Signs: needs constant reassurance, compulsive checking and intrusive thoughts.
Related health issues: Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or general anxiety disorder (GAD). attachment disorder.
Risk: Low to medium
What is pathological jealousy or morbod jealousy? A psychological disorder. An controlling obsession about sexual infidelity. It is intense, controlling and possessive.
Signs: intimidation, controlling, aggression, coercive behaviour
Related mental health issues: Paranoia, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder.
Risk: ⚠️ High. Often leads to stalking, narcissistic abuse, violence
Struggling with panic attacks?
Is jealousy getting on top of you? As a panic expert who works for a national charity, I have many insights that I can give you to stop panic attacks:
If you need a one-to-one to explore your panic and overwhelm issues that are impacting your relationship:
How comparison anxiety fuels jealousy
Social media and jealousy
Social conditioning has a big impact on how we respond to jealousy. Our past experiences and cultural influences also shape how we react. Jealousy can now trigger for these reasons:
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Social Media Exposure – Constant updates on an ex’s life or partner’s interactions fuel comparison anxiety.
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Online Dating Culture – The ease of meeting new people online creates fear of being replaced.
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FOMO & Idealized Relationships – Social media glamourises our lives making real-life issues feel worse.
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Increased Independence – Modern relationships have fewer social constraints, making trust more crucial than ever.
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24/7 Connectivity – The expectation of instant replies can create unnecessary suspicion.
Key takeaway
Jealousy is a normal emotional response. Social media conditioning has encouraged comparison anxiety. This makes it difficult to respond in a balanced way to our natural jealousy triggers - meaning we are and more likely to experience unhealthy jealousy. This can destroys trust, happiness and, ultimately. our relationship.
Signs of unhealthy jealousy in a relationship
Jealousy triggers when we believe there's a relationship threat and we don't have enough information. If left unchecked, thinking can spiral into not just suspicious thoughts but destructive behaviours. Each text, glance, or social media post fuels our endless search for “proof.” The more jealous we become, the more proof we need. Ultimately no level of reassurance is enough.
Unhealthy jealousy behaviours:
Surveillance & Invasion of Privacy
🔹 Checking a partner’s phone, emails, or social media without consent.
🔹 Secretly tracking their location, monitoring them online, or using hidden cameras.
🔹 Filming or recording a partner without their knowledge or permission.
Interrogation & Emotional Pressure
🔹 Persistently questioning a partner’s whereabouts, past, or interactions.
🔹 Forcing a partner to “prove” their loyalty with excessive explanations.
Controlling & Manipulative Behavior
🔹 Dictating who a partner can see, talk to, or spend time with.
🔹 Restricting access to friends, family, or work.
🔹 Using guilt, threats, or ultimatums to control their actions.
Public & Social Attacks
🔹 Posting accusations, private messages, or jealousy-fueled claims online.
🔹 Using social media to shame, track, or intimidate a partner.
Stalking & Harassment
🔹 Following a partner without consent or showing up uninvited.
🔹 Repeatedly calling, messaging, or showing up at their home or workplace.
Escalating Aggression & Violence
🔹 Threats, intimidation, or coercive control.
🔹 Physical aggression or property damage due to jealousy-driven rage.
If you’re experiencing extreme jealousy from your partner, you may want to explore how this can overlap with controlling behaviors. If you feel emotionally drained, anxious, or afraid, my trauma recovery page provides support and information.
Recognizing these behaviors is crucial. If left unchecked, jealousy damages both partners and creates emotional distress.
If jealousy is affecting your relationship, addressing it through open communication, self-reflection, and professional support can help help you rebuild trust and emotional security
Helpful Anxiety Hub Links:
Trauma Recovery | Narcissistic Abuse | Narcissistic Trauma | Self-Sabotage
Getting therapeutic support
CBT for jealousy
CBT for jealousy focuses on understanding and transforming the anxious thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours that fuel jealousy in relationships. Rather than simply labelling jealousy as irrational, CBT helps clients explore the deeper meanings they attach to situations—such as fears of abandonment, not being good enough, or being replaced. Through structured techniques, clients learn to identify triggering thoughts, challenge cognitive distortions, and develop more balanced interpretations of their partner’s actions. At the same time, CBT addresses the underlying safety-seeking behaviours—like checking, reassurance-seeking, or over-monitoring—that often make jealousy worse over time. The goal isn’t to suppress emotion but to build trust, self-worth, and emotional regulation skills so that jealousy no longer controls the relationship.
Find out more about CBT
Hypno-journeying for jealousy
There is a different approach to working with jealousy and that involves befriending the jealous part of you. Hypno-journeying is based on the concept that we are all made up of different parts. The parent part, the critical part, the victim part and the jealous part. They are all different for everyone. working with different. We also have a side of us that is always present - it's deeply compassionate, loving, resilient and self-aware. That is our healer within.
Find out more about Hypnojourneying
Jealousy mini toolbox
If jealousy is running your life, you’re not alone. There are proven, research-backed ways, such as CBT that have been proven to retrain your mind and build emotional security.
The key is to commit to change - no matter what. Be prepated to try things out, and stick with what works for you.
1. Four strategies to overcome jealousy
Use Logic
Write down 3 reasons why you know you can trust your partner. Give examples if you can
Trusted Friend
Speak to a trusted friend who will tell you the truth - not just what you want to hear.
Journal Facts
Journal your 'proof'. Commit to including the proof that doesn't support your belief
Ground Yourself
Ground yourself. Count back from 200. Suck an ice cube or hold it in your hand.
2. Try my hypnosis to release jealous thoughts
Imagine yourself on a safe, peaceful island, the 'island o f Safety' far far away from the storm of jealousy. Through hypnosis, you can start to rewire the mind to release jealousy thoughts and emotions build trust.
Listen to My Free Guided Hypnotherapy: 'The Island of Safety - Releasing Jealous Thoughts'. A 10-minute audio
Knowing when to get professional help
Jealousy can be a difficult creature to manage — and without support, it can grow into something overwhelming and all consuming,I f you’re finding it hard to stay grounded, or jealousy is causing anxiety, panic, or emotional distress, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Talking it through in a safe, non-judgmental space can make all the difference.
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