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Relationship conflict hub
Face conflict with confidence & self-compassion
Most of us long for an intimate and committed relationships. The media tells us that we just need to find love then it will be plain sailing. But the truth is rarely that simple. Relationships bring together two people with different histories, upbringings, needs and ways of communicating and navigating this can be difficult but also be very rewarding.
Sometimes we enter more turbulent waters. We face complex life stressors—perhaps managing an abusive or partner or caring for someone mentally ill. Life events—a break-up, a legal battle, a loss—can throw even the most grounded couple into high-conflict tension.
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As a therapist, former litigation solicitor and divorce coach, I've helped many people through conflict. This hub is here to help you make sense of it—quietly and in your own time. You’ll find insights into different conflict approaches, find out your conflict resilience score and gain tools to reduce overwhelm and manage conflict more confidently and effectively.
What is relationship conflict?
Relationship conflict in intimate relationships refers to any tension, argument or emotional disconnect between partners.
Conflict is not bad, it is a natural part of human connection, reflecting the reality that no two people are exactly alike.
How we understand it, respond to it, and reflect on our role within it can shape our mental and emotional wellbeing.
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Conflict is a natural part of relating and naturally emerges for many reasons:
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Differences in opinions and beliefs: Disagreements about values, worldviews, or priorities.
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Contrasting personalities and communication styles: Mismatched ways of expressing emotions or handling disagreement.
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Clashing needs and desires: One person may crave closeness while the other seeks independence; or they may have differing priorities around finances, intimacy, or family.
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Unresolved past experiences: Old wounds, unhealed traumas, or lingering resentments that influence how partners react in the present.​​
What conflict type causes relationships to
break down?
Many couples believe that reducing arguments and respectful copromise is the key to success, that isn't what research shows.
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These 4 conflict patterns predict relationship breakdown.
​🔹 Attacking character not resolving the issue
🔹 Generalised blame eg 'You always do this....
🔹 Comparing your partner negatively to others
🔹 Shifting blame rather than taking responsibility
🔹 Play the victim 'Poor me'. Use self defeating humor
🔹 Bringing up the past - which is not relevant
​🔹 Using aggressive humour to belittle partner
🔹 Mocking, eye rolling, using sacrcasm or sighing
🔹 Acting like you’re smarter or superior
​🔹Dismissive, silent treatment or one word answers
🔹 Avoiding eye contact & walking away mid sentence
🔹 Diverting or being 'too busy' to respond
If you are committed to your relationship and interested in finding out how to build deeper trust and affection then this page will help you:
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How to build a relationship that lasts
Conflict isn’t inherently bad. How we handle it determines whether it harms or heals us.​ Poorly managed conflict can create emotional distance, increase resentment, lead to chronic stress, and sometimes result in a breakdown of trust or even the relationship itself. When approached constructively and when both parties are committed to the relationship, conflict becomes an opportunity to understand one another more deeply. It is a path towards building empathy, renegotiating supportive boundaries and grow stronger as a couple.
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Having a strong relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict, being committed to the relationship and learning how to repair conflict 'wounds.'​
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If you are keen to understand how to develop a long-term relationship, I suggest exploring:
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What a committed relationship looks like—it doesn't have to mean marriage.
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Why relationship repair is vital for the relationship to grow
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How CBT can help
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How mindfulness – Strengthen emotional intimacy and rebuild trust.
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Useful Anxiety Hub Links:
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Committed Relationships | Relationship Repair | CBT for RElationshp Anxiety | Mindful Living - including Mindful Relationships
What is your conflict response?
How you and your partner response to conflict is critical to being able to reduce conflict and also support yourself (and them) better. It also creates an opportunity to know each other better.
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It is also critical if you are facing a high conflict situation, perhaps going through a break up or divorce. Overreacting, becoming emotionally overwhelmed or clamming up will not help you negotiate the best outcome.
Your conflict response is shaped by multiple factors, including:
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Personality & upbringing – Some people were raised in high-conflict families, others in low-conflict homes.
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Gender & culture – Some cultures are comfortable with emotional intensity; others avoid confrontation at all costs.
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Mental health & past trauma – Anxiety, PTSD, and past toxic relationships all shape how we handle conflict.
📖 Explore How Gender, Culture & Personality Shape Conflict
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Understanding your conflict response—and where you are vulnerable—gives you a head-start in managing difficult conflictual situations.
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📖 Take the Conflict Quiz: Find Out Your Conflict Resilience:
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You may also find support in the Anxiety Hub, where you can explore your Conflict Response in more depth.
Navigating high conflict relationships
All relationships are different. Some are inherently high conflict, perhaps because of fiery personalities, yet are sustainable and long term, Others are high conflict because of addiction, mental health or abuse. Some become high conflict because of a situation, such as a relationship break up, a legal battle or, maybe, loss of a family member.
​Coping with a changing relationship dynamic can not only be challenging, but extremely disorientating - even scary. You may find yourself struggling with anxiety, panic feelings and overwhelm. It can a range of physical and emotional health conditions. ​​Understanding conflict anxiety and how to manage high conflict relationships in these situations is crucial, so you can build emotional resilience, plan your exit strategy (in some situations) and stay clear-headed and in control during interactions
Useful Anxiety Hub Links:
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High Conflict Relationships​ | Conflict Anxiety | Conflict Response | Divorce Anxiety. | Panic Attacks |
Getting relationship help
​If you need one to one support with finding you way back onto firm ground or just need a chat about how to heal your relationship:
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Book a Free Session | More About Me | View Success Stories
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