High conflict relationships

Understanding what a high conflict relationship looks like and how to cope

Is your relationship emotionally intense, reactive, or stuck in repeating battles? This page will help you make sense of high-conflict patterns—whether you’re committed to staying, considering leaving or need to manage the situation and survive the chaos.

Are you in a high conflict relationship and need to manage it better? It helps finding out your conflict approach and your areas of weakness.

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What is a high conflict relationship

A high-conflict relationship is one where arguments are frequent, emotions run high and the same painful patterns repeat—often with little resolution. These dynamics can feel addictive, overwhelming, and deeply confusing.

For some, there may also be moments of passion, intensity, or emotional closeness that make it difficult to walk away.

Are high conflict relationships always caused by high conflict people?

High conflict relationships are not necessarily caused by high conflict people. There are a few causes:

Personal Traits: Some people have what Bill Eddy (High Conflict Institute) calls "High Conflict Personalities"—marked by blame, extreme reactions and poor emotional regulation. This pattern tends to be reflected in all their intimate relationships.
Relational Dynamics: Sometimes the couple’s unique chemistry brings out emotional volatility—even if they’re calm in other relationship.
Culture: Although culture on its own doesn't cause an individual to be high conflict, it can significantly influence their conflict approach.
Situational Stress: Conflict can spike during major life stressors, such as divorce, financial loss, or bereavement.

While abuse is always high conflict, high conflict relationship are not always abusive.

Can high conflict relationships work

Some couples thrive on emotional intensity. They choose to stay and put in the emotional effort to to repair regularly. But it’s not easy—it demands deep communication, accountability, and commitment from both partners.

Many high-conflict relationships become emotionally damaging over time. When conflict begins to erode your sense of self or safety, it becomes unhealthy.

High conflict or abuse?

Abuse involves:

Power imbalance
Coercion, fear, or control
One partner consistently suffering more harm
A lack of safety and autonomy

High conflict involves:

Mutual reactivity and emotional volatility
Both partners contributing (even if unevenly)
A desire—however buried—to repair or reconnect

Impact of a high conflict relationship

Living in a state of chronic relational stress—whether due to arguments, tension, volatility, or walking on eggshells—has a profound impact on our health. Even if we tell ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” or “It’s just how we are,” our nervous system keeps the score.

🔹 Panic Attacks or disassociation

🔹 Hypervigilance (over alertness)

🔹 Difficulty relaxing, sleeping or feeling safe

🔹 Brain fog, indecision & self-doubt

🔹 Memory issues and intrusive thoughts

🔹 Depression and reduced ability to connect

🔹 Immune dysfunction and inflammation eg IBS

🔹 Chronic Pain including migraines

🔹 High blood pressure

🔹 Constantly question own reality and own values

🔹 Feel ashamed and guilty for setting boundaries

🔹 Struggling finding purpose or trusting anyone

The effects of high conflict are often reversible—especially when the nervous system has a chance to settle, feel safe, and reconnect with the present. Therapeutic tools like CBT, trauma-informed hypnotherapy, breathwork, mindfulness and somatic grounding can help bring the body and mind back into regulation.

Helpful Anxiety Hub Links:

CBT | Hypnotherapy | Mindfulness | Panic Attacks | Trauma Recovery

Empaths in high conflict relationships

Empaths are deeply intuitive and emotionally attuned. They often absorb others’ emotional energy and truggle to separate their partner’s pain from their own

Unfortunately, this sensitivity can attract emotionally unavailable or volatile partners. The empath gives and gives—hoping to help—but may end up drained, overwhelmed and lost. They take longer to recover after an argument. Over time, their energy is used up, and their needs go unmet.

If this is you, then your survival is paramount. Please remember that:

It’s not your job to fix or carry someone else’s emotions
Boundaries are not selfish—they are survival
You are allowed to value yourself outside of what you give to others

Sometimes the healthiest move is to leave—safely and with support. if you cannot do that, then it is essential to find ways to manage the conflict.

Navigating high conflict

If you have to navigate a relationship that feels intense, reactive, or emotionally draining,

You don’t need to figure this out alone:

🔸 Visit Conflict Anxiety if you’re overwhelmed by arguments or volatility and want management tips

🔸 Visit Court Anxiety if you’re facing court of have legal issues with your partner or ex.

🔸 Visit Narcissistic Abuse or Narcissistic Trauma if you’re in the struggling with abuse or coercive, manipulative dynamics.

The right support can help you stay grounded, clear-headed, and in control — whatever path you choose. If you need one to one guidance to get you onto firmer ground, then do reach out:

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