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Conflict Anxiety
Understanding our conflict approach and safely expressing our needs
Few enjoy conflict. Fewer still do it well. What do we do instead? We close down. Pretend it doesn't matter. Get into a rage. Drip sarcasm... These are all ways to cope — ways to get others to back off...
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But for some, it's worse. Even thinking about confrontation — telling a partner how you really feel, expressing a need, or setting a boundary — can push us into panic. This is moving into conflict anxiety territory.
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Understanding how you respond is critical to changing your reactions and reducing anxiety​​
What is Conflict Anxiety
Conflict anxiety is the intense fear of confrontation, especially when disagreements are likely to become emotionally charged, unpredictable or impact our needs and boundaries. It’s more than just being nervous, it's a persistent response that hijacks your entire system.
Common Signs:
• Racing heart, nausea, brain fog
• Overwhelm, dread, panic
• Freezing, forgetting or blanking out arguements
• Fawning and over-apologising — do anything to keep the peace
• Obsessing over even minor disagrements
Conflict anxiety isn’t just discomfort and avoidance, Nor is it nothing. Your nervous system learned that disagreement = danger, and it’s doing its best to protect you. By going into overdrive. It is often accompanied by difficult bodily sensations It can result in physical symptoms – Racing heart, sweaty palms, shortness of breath (panic responses). It may well be triggered a trauma response, but it can also be influenced by social/family conditioning, generational trauma, neuro-divergence, mental health issues or personality traits.
If you are in a high conflict relationship, you are more likely to have conflict anxiety. With awareness and the right tools, your can learn how to handle the situation better.
What Is Your Conflict Anxiety Approach?
Conflict anxiety isn’t one-size-fits-all, our gender, family upbringing and cultural background shape how we handle difficult confrontation. ​Mental health conditions and personality traits, such as narcissistic character traits, also play a huge role in how people react to confrontation. If you find yourself freezing, avoiding conflict at all cost, over-apologizing, or feeling intense panic in arguments, your response may be influenced by past trauma, anxiety disorders or exposure to high-conflict personalities.
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Your response is also related to your upbringing, gender and culture...
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8 Reasons Why Conflict During Divorce Is Different
Even if your relationship was low-key or emotionally distant, the stress of a breakup or divorce often changes the dynamic:
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Every small issue escalates into a full-blown battle.
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You may feel flooded with intense, often unexpected emotions.
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You don't trust them — and flinch when their name appears on your phone​
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You’re not just losing a partner — you're losing the emotional and financial security, even your home,
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You are worried about the children — their protection, emotional wellbeing and stability,
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Romantic love quickly turns to hate and you can feel betrayed, disappointed—even misled—your relationship expectations have been shattered.
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Court battles become about winning, being seen as the 'better parent', the helpless spouse' this process often inflames fear and conflict.
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When they start dating, it can feel like betrayal, even if you don't want to be in the relationship.
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When Does Conflict Stop?
Once the divorce is over and the financial proceedings (ancillary relief) and child contact arrangements are settled, things usually tails off. You may find after 6-12 months you may even have a reasonable relationship with your partner.
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Why Conflict Continues Post Breakup Or Divorce
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If you have children together aged under 11 (or have mental health conditions, or special needs), then long-term parental cooperation with your will generally be needed. If you have not managed this situation during your relationship then it is time to sort this now.
Long term conflict is more likely if your ex (or you) is struggling with any of the following:
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Significant Mental Health Issues
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Serious Addictions and Substance Abuse
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Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control
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High-Conflict Personalities
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Pathological Jealousy
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How To Deal With Court Stress
Going to court is mentally and emotionally exhausting. Whether you’re facing a divorce hearing, financial dispute or custody battle, the pressure of legal proceedings can trigger stress, panic and emotional overwhelm. Find out how to calm the mental storm.
Check Your Library Resources
Find Out What Causes Court Anxiety
How To Face High Conflict
Conflict is natural during a breakup - even if your ex was once reasonable, divorce heightens emotions and stress levels. If you are in a high conflict relationship or dealing with abuse, conflict can get critical. Find out how to reset you mind and body to help ypu be strategic and manage emotions calmly.
Check Your Library Resources
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CBT For Conflict Anxiety
​When faced with conflict, your brain detects a threat - whether real or perceived - activating your fight, flight, or freeze response. Many people deal with conflict by being reactive:
Overreacting – Raising your voice, shutting down or becoming defensive.
Avoidance – Ghosting difficult conversations, withdrawing or bottling up resentment.
Overanalyzing – Replaying arguments in your mind, worrying about saying the “wrong” thing.
Dramatising - Exaggerating or amplifying.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a powerful tool that helps rewire the way you think about conflict. It gives you the so you can break free from the emotional overwhelm and approach conflict with confidence and a clear mind. This helps you feel more in control, less anxious and be a better advocate for yourself.​
Conflict Anxiety Tool Kit
Time to visit Your Therapy Companion... I use proven techniques to help you stay calm, focused, and emotionally strong. The conflict anxiety tool kit includes focus on de-escalating conflict, decision clarity and strategy.​​​​
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All my tools are free - if you are not yet a member, you just need to join up and become a member of the MindFull community to access them.
